The Rag Doll Who Knew

He knew me more; he knew I trusted him more. He knew my aspirations, my beliefs; he even knew my weaknesses. He memorized every inch of my skin. From the outside in, he knew me, Ella Marie DaCosta Cajayon. He knew too much.

Just like a rag doll he used me, because he knew me. Because he knew I cared about him, even after all the pandemonium he caused. Because he knew he could trust me. Because although he knew my aspirations, beliefs, even my weaknesses, he did not care. Though, there is but a single thing he did care for: himself. Just like a rag doll he used me, because he knew he had me in the palm of his hand. With the palm of his hand, he toiled with my emotions; with the palm of his hand, he opened my eyes to an obscure truth: it was all puppy love for him. Narcissistic, artificial, scripted reality TV relationship, heart-mending puppy love. And how I know that? I know that because if he was the "real deal", we would not be where we are today. Today he just another boy; today I am just another girl.

Yet unlike a rag doll, I know him too. I know his aspirations, beliefs, even his weaknesses. I memorized every inch of his skin. But last night, even he took it too far, even for me. Me, Ella Marie DaCosta Cajayon, the one he knew and was even right about, at least for awhile. You see, he knew me, past tense. He does not know me anymore. Because if he knows me at all, he knows that he will never, not even for a single second, be able to take advantage of me ever again. Because if he knows me at all, he knows that I am no ones rag doll.

He knew me, but here is what he may not know. Starting now, I have moved on from who I know him to be today. You hear me loud and crystal clear. Starting now, I am no longer heart broken. Starting now, I am jubilantly, independent, ready to stand on my own two feet and conquer the world. Just watch me :)