The Clash of Transformations

October 19, 2011: that is what my school declared as fall break, a four-day release of pure, and utter freedom. October 19, 2011: that is what I declared as my third visit back home, a four-day release of pure, and utter nostalgia. Freedom and nostalgia, both separate and yet the same. Separate and yet the same like a collision, a Clash of Civilizations, or better yet, a clash of transformations.

While Huntington’s The Clash of Civilizations theorizes a future conflict between cultures, my clash of transformations theorizes my college life conflicting with my past. Like country-line barriers, the barrier between my life as a college girl and my life as a daddy’s girl practically repel against one another. I had felt like a complete and total stranger in my own home. And before I knew it, I found myself questioning the meaning of home. Because in this clash of transformations, the college girl had her city and the daddy’s girl had her suburbs.

A good friend of mine once shared that, “Life and people sometimes don’t mix. Times and trials and health and maturity sometimes make it impossible for two people who might be perfect together to communicate and operate and treat each other with respect just because they’re in two different places in life.” My friend and I were confiding in each other about our past, including of course, relationships! And when reminiscing about our past relationships, we both concluded that the quote above could be a possible explanation for why people come and go, which has always been a giant question mark in my book. But while concluding why people come and go, the quote above also revealed to me some insight to what I consider my clash of transformations.

Like stated above, “Life and people sometimes don’t mix… just because they’re in two different places in life.” That’s just it. I’m not saying there’s no way to settle the conflict between the college girl and the daddy’s girl, but rather, the college girl and the daddy’s girl are just in two different places in life. And while, “life and people sometimes don’t mix”, sometimes life and people do mix. The college girl will always have her free city and the daddy’s girl will always have her nostalgic suburbs; and I will always have both and call them my home.

dear blog,

i love college. these last two months words can't describe, so i'll let these pictures do the job. but don't think this is the last you've heard of me.

love always,

The Good in Goodbye

Glassy eyes, luggage in hand, words of goodbye. These are the three components my parents have prepared for all their lives, as well as mine. Because you could say that these three components will intertwine, join forces, to what we will call: college move-in day. All the x's marked on the calendar in my head have mounted to this very day. The countdown is over; it's here.

Glassy eyes, luggage in hand, words of goodbye.

Now of course, I need to blog before I leave! After all, my room is the only place I have ever been able to write in. My room with the walls I have decorated; my room where my walls are exposed. Therefore, I must say that the idea of leaving my room, parting from all I have created and known, is a chilling yet radical concept.

Glassy eyes, luggage in hand, words of goodbye.

My mom is such a brilliant woman. She has been my guardian angel for four years now; and yet her past words still inspire me to this day. Before her last trip to the Philippines, she left her family with a food for thought, the glass half full per se, the good in goodbye. She told her family, and she continuely recites in my head for preparation for tomorrow that there is no such thing as goodbye, but rather, see you soon.

If I abide by my mom's words, then there truly is something good in goodbye. The presence of good is, in fact, the irony of goodbye. Because if I abide by my mom's words, then there consequently is no such thing as goodbye. Hence, the good in goodbye is that goodbye does not exist. With abiding to my mom's words, I can say that I am finally ready.

Glassy eyes, luggage in hand, see you soon.