I'm Moving Out

"The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we're moving."

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

I am moving out, moving out of the white picket fence, picture-perfect home I have constructed in my mind into the crystal-clear glass home of my heart. A glass home where people can see right through the place where I truly live. I will no longer live under limitations based off of what will create a prettier frame. I will no longer handpick what I acknowledge and showcase. Rather, I will frame anything and everything through the looking glass.

In this glass home, I will unpack the items from my picture-perfect imagination and welcome the company of hidden baggage that collected dust in a forbidden attic. Exposure and honesty, that is glass. Exposure and honesty, that is reality.

To live like glass would be to live a sturdy, yet delicate, and translucent life. To live like glass is to be prepared to risk crumbling into little cracked pieces knowing that nothing worthwhile is ever easy to put back together. While my white picket fence, picture-perfect home had walls made of bricks, I know bricks are not the necessity to strength. I am moving out, because I am done paying rent over what I only choose to afford. Money is more well-spent when one sees just exactly what they are purchasing, when one fully knows the financial commitment they are becoming involved in, right?

So see ya later, white picket fences and picture-perfect homes. You will see me later when I allow you to see right through me, framing anything and everything through the looking glass.

April's Fool

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
-Robert McCloskey

Nothing is black and white. After all, that would be too easy. While it is so natural for me to accept the throne as the queen of over-analyzing, I cannot help but realize that by wearing the crown and taking that title would, in fact, be my very fault and that what I was looking for was right in front of me.

April fools, because I really feel like I have become April's fool.

You see, April made realize that I am so stubborn, so completely and utterly stubborn. My beliefs have always been something I cling onto like armor protecting me from discovering anything else. I guess it would seem cliche that the minute I laid down my armor and entered in a state where I was at my most vulnerable, that is when I would soon discover that my vulnerability would actually save me more than any steel armor of beliefs could ever protect.

April fools, because I really feel like I have become April's fool.

But this is the last day of April, and I am done falling for all the mishap. The joke was on me, however the punchline of this joke? That is exactly what is going to keep me going. I love the fall of a new month because besides a new month representing a page turner in my Starbucks planner (oh yes, I have a Starbucks planner), it is also a page turner on my reality. New days to cross or "ex-off", new memories to expedite.

I have never been more excited to face my vulnerability.

April fools, because April the only fool was you.

April fools, because now I will freely allow whatever crosses my path to come what May.

Ready, Set, Fall

“I don't like to hurt people, I really don't like it at all. But in order to get a red light at the intersection, you sometimes have to have an accident.”

-Jack Anderson

To quote one of my favorite 80's songs, Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light.

The red light that made a not-so-Superman-like guy sigh after a two year battle with my heart. The red lights that consistently blind me like warning signs signaling when I believe I should be warned at most. The red lights that stop me out of fear of conducting and directing another sigh, due to another lost battle with my heart.

Ready, set, fall Roxanne.

Make those red lights switch to green. Be ready to stop the red lights you will encounter from fate-struck intersections. Set yourself for the greatest accident of all. Fall recklessly in love. Roxanne, ready, set, fall without any more road bumps or construction work along the way. Everyone is allowed to make a u-turn every once in awhile, but in certain areas, sometimes it is prohibited. Everyone is allowed to look back, but to a certain extent, sometimes looking back should be considered a prohibition.

Ready, set, fall Roxanne. Because these red lights may hold you back from the greatest accident of all. I promise if you wait long enough, these red lights will switch to green. Be ready, be set, and let it switch. Fall.

To quote one of my favorite 80's songs, Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light.

And to quote my own advice, neither do I.