April's Fool

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
-Robert McCloskey

Nothing is black and white. After all, that would be too easy. While it is so natural for me to accept the throne as the queen of over-analyzing, I cannot help but realize that by wearing the crown and taking that title would, in fact, be my very fault and that what I was looking for was right in front of me.

April fools, because I really feel like I have become April's fool.

You see, April made realize that I am so stubborn, so completely and utterly stubborn. My beliefs have always been something I cling onto like armor protecting me from discovering anything else. I guess it would seem cliche that the minute I laid down my armor and entered in a state where I was at my most vulnerable, that is when I would soon discover that my vulnerability would actually save me more than any steel armor of beliefs could ever protect.

April fools, because I really feel like I have become April's fool.

But this is the last day of April, and I am done falling for all the mishap. The joke was on me, however the punchline of this joke? That is exactly what is going to keep me going. I love the fall of a new month because besides a new month representing a page turner in my Starbucks planner (oh yes, I have a Starbucks planner), it is also a page turner on my reality. New days to cross or "ex-off", new memories to expedite.

I have never been more excited to face my vulnerability.

April fools, because April the only fool was you.

April fools, because now I will freely allow whatever crosses my path to come what May.