Under Construction

"There is no art to find the mind's construction in the face."
-Shakespeare

I have never been a believer of coincidences. Yet when I woke up to white noise conducted by orange cones and construction work surrounding a place I call home, a change of heart rung like the alarm clock I needed, in order to grasp a long overdue wake-up call. 

It has almost been a year since I retired the occupation of "boyfriend girl", a career in which I consumed my heart into the arms of someone else's, because it felt safer there than in my own. I was 15 when I found someone who could hold the weight of my heart despite my monkey ears; I was 17 when I discovered that my heart could be safe in more than one person's arms; and I was 19 when I realized that I wanted my heart back. Do not get me wrong, the arms that held my heart were sturdy and secure, and I am beyond blessed that I was lucky enough to ever find a steady love, even more than one, to call my own. It is well apparent now how difficult that is to come by. But at the time, I wanted to challenge myself to become sturdy and secure enough to hold onto my heart without the arms of a steady love, and yet, still feel safe. However at 20, I am realizing that I am accomplishing quite the opposite.

Waking up to sudden construction work was the exact push I needed to realize that I do not need the sidewalks to feel safe. Tripping over the potholes on the street may be what is responsible for the orange cones that now surround my heart. But regardless of whether coincidences exist or not, those orange cones will not surround my house forever, nor will the need to protect my heart.