Tug-a-War

" I look for ghosts; but none will force 

Their way to me. 'Tis falsely said 

That there was ever intercourse 

Between the living and the dead." 

-William Wordsworth

Last weekend marked Halloween weekend 2012, leaving me with the irony that protrudes along with my halloweekend. There he was, the ghost of my past who hauntingly reappeared in my life. The only thing more haunting about his re-occurrence has to be my conclusion about his presence in the first place. However, this ghost of my past is now someone who I can finally see right through. His tricks and schemes of toiling with my emotions back and forth may of had me fooled for a little while, but now the only thing more scary than his presence is watching him vanish away into thin air.

One minute he would have my back helping pull the rope behind me, and then the next minute, he would be right in front of me fighting to pull the rope away from my very own hands, contradicting himself and everything that kept the rope together in the first place. He would reassure me and then he would disappear causing me to lose any sense of control I thought I had. It was just so easy and yet so frightening how I felt trapped to hold on to that rope knowing everything that rope symbolized. The words he said and the actions he pursued revoltingly evolved into inverses of each other leaving me wondering what was real versus my imagination.

However the thing about ghosts are that they are souls who have passed, emphasizing that they are in the past. Therefore, I think it is up to me whether this ghost is real or in my head, whether this ghost is alive or dead. My resolution is that whether the ghost of my past tries to trick or treat me, he shall remain under the tomb of all our memories because I refuse to allow his tricks to scare or fool me any longer.

Games over, I am dropping the rope.