Thanks, Twenty Eleven!

“ We could only wonder how she would be able to dust herself off and start over, over again. And yet we knew we couldn’t bear for her not to, and felt ever more optimistic that after all her struggles ... she’d have her friends. And the knowledge that she deserved the world."

-Sex and the City

Especially after the ride of 2010, 2011 has easily been my favorite year, yet. But while 2012 is unwinding, I cannot help but find myself disguised as a ghost in the past. So I just want to share my top eleven favorite moments of the year :) I hope this does not give off a conceited tone, it's just that I have had such a good year and I really want to reminisce about my favorite moments!

#11: Overcoming my fear of creating a youtube account!

#10: Being thrown a surprise 18th birthday party! So undeserved, but thank you so much :)

#9: The gorgeous things I have attained this year, from my lucky paris shoes and dress to my first (and most-likely only) BCBG dress!

#8: Dancing on stage at the Hat Factory with some of my new college friends!

#7: Becoming full-circle with friends, relationships, and reality.

#6: Singing on a boat tour in Nashville!

#5: Being featured in a french fashion blog!!

#4: Experiencing life as a high school senior and graduating high school :)

#3: Going to college!

#2: Overcoming my fear of falling in love, with Paris and a boy.

#1: Holding an even stronger bond with my family.

Team Light

"Every moment of light and dark is a miracle."

-Walt Whitman

During Christmas day mass, the priest discussed an idea of light vs. dark. He theorized and pondered why people weigh darker times so much more greatly than the happier times, the light.

I used to forbid myself from ever looking back, and allowed myself to encompass my present alone. I used my past as a threat, a machine gun, and constantly wondered how anyone could enjoy looking back or desire to look back. And then I thought of archaeologist, a person who concentrates on humanity based on recollections from the past. If one could study humanity based on the past, then maybe looking back must have some sort of beneficial factors.

Like an archaeologist, I dissected items from humanity, my humanity. I reminisced over my old guitars, my old journal, even gifts and more from people who have fallen in and out of my life. Looking back made me see that even in the darkest times, you can find light. Light can be seen even in a broken circle, not everything has to be complete and secure in order to be a joyous occasion. Even within the heartbreak, the friends that fell in and out, the trust given and broken, the promises made and not fulfilled, even in the darkest times you can find light. Because like an archaeologist, looking back made me realize and remember that past all the bitter dark memories, at one point, I was happy.

At one point, there was light.

Happy Anniversary (War is Over)

Last week marked the kick-start to some of my favorite heart-warming holidays from Thanksgiving, Christmas, to a year anniversary with

that kid.

That kid who knew my past, and about my battle versus it. My past, like a prevailing force that always reminded me, always scared and taunted me about trust and relationships that have come and gone. My past that held a machine gun against any future relationship that embarked my way. Maybe I let my past control the machine gun; maybe I hid myself behind my past as a cover to why I should not trust and expose myself to any new relationship entering my path.

That kid knew my past, and unlike me, he fought back. Fought back against the army of broken friendships and hearts that were plotting to tear down any trust I had left. Fought back against every line and excuse I spoke to keep space between him and I, the space I flashed as a weapon to keep me safe from another possible broken friendship and heart.

That kid knew my past, and he did not let me use it as a weapon. He continually recites how he will be the one to prove me wrong, how he will not join forces with the army of broken friendships and hearts that are against me, the army of people who were once on my side.

That kid knew my past, and a week ago he won.

"Let's hope it's a good one without any fear.

War is over, if you want it. War is over now."

-John Lennon

Happy Anniversary, Elliot Ted Mondragon; the war is over.