Post-War

"I think the day you start building the war plan is the day you start beginning the postwar plan."

-Jay Garner

There it was, my fighting words I used to recite like bullets were finally said and done. And then, silence; I was speechless because everything was truly said and done. That is just it. The toughest part of a battle is not the bloodbath but rather the aftermath.

The thing about the bloodbath is that you are caught in the heat of the moment with a rush of adrenaline that must be met. Everything you fight for and believe in is laid on the table. The thing about the aftermath is that although the war is over, the real battle is conquering what remains. Although the battles during the war were said and done, the monsters we fought, whether won against or defeated, are still present.

It is inevitable that every battle must reach it's end, within every war is a post-war. Therefore these moments of war are only temporary; however these moments of post-war, these are the moments that linger on like tattoos inked into our memories.

So there it is, the inevitable; but that is just it. Although these monsters are inevitable, they are also inevitably just as harmless and imaginary as the ones under our beds, in our closets, and in our heads. We taunt ourselves with these monsters that we create with our own two hands, who solely survive on everything we are in fear of, everything that is left unfinished and unsaid.

The post-war is all about remembering the inevitable and remembering that these monsters are only as scary as we allow. Therefore these moments of war that I have with relationships are only temporary, however these moments of post-war that I have with relationships, those are moments that linger on like tattoos. I choose what I am allowing to ink into my memories.

The Queen of Pretend

“There's a difference between playing and playing games. The former is an act of joy, the latter — an act.”

-Vera Nazarian

The idea of pretending seems to be a generally-universal concept that we experiment with when we are young. With being young, one feels limitations. Hence the act of pretending is this idea that we can transport ourselves into our own little world that our imagination invents and where it desires to pioneer and explore. It is this idea that we can be anything we want in a matter of seconds. That is the beauty of pretending, we can get away from the real world for a little while and be whatever pops into our mind. However the flaw, or rather the truth behind pretending is knowing that no matter how deep we fall into the rabbit hole of our imaginations, we will eventually have to step out of the wardrobes of our own Narnia's and accept and return to the real world, which is the act of accepting and the returning to ourselves.

To pretend is to select perspective; to pretend is to devise what you see. As a kid, I was the queen of pretending. Pretending was a crown I wore as it was a game I played. However my mastery of pretending fell short when I realized that the mere concept should remain a game and nothing more. With beauty there is perspective, and just like that my perspective of beauty within my status of being the royal highness of pretending was in fact my flaw. No matter how long I wore my crown and no matter who I pretended to rule, the real threat and end to my reign would be the inevitable of snapping back to reality. As much as I wanted to stay queen, I could only wear the crown for so long.

I will always be the leader of my own world, however my imagination can only reign so far past my reality. To imagine is not necessarily to avoid. And as the queen of pretending, I can keep my reign of power as long as I remain consistent in imagining rather than avoiding.

That is the real trick to the game; that is the real trick to wearing the crown of pretend.