Through the Looking Glass

"The important thing about a problem is not its solution, but the strength we gain in finding the solution."
-Unknown

Have you ever felt like everyone is watching you with a magnifying glass; watching your every single move? Have you ever felt like the weight of the world is on your shoulders; with a weight, a pressure, to satisfy everyone in that world? Whether you answer yes or no to the questions above all I can say is this: it straight-up sucks. There are numerous examples to describe how I feel, but I'll sum it up in a sentence. I feel as if everyone is judging me. And I am easily the biggest hypocrit, considering the fact that I constantly tell people not to care about what others think, but I cannot help it. It's only human, I guess.

About a month ago, a really special friend of mine taped an Emily Dickenson poem on my bedroom window. Whenever I am upset, I open the blinds to read this poem, in hope for answers. This poem is taped on my window; a window made of translucent glass (I don't know if that's an oxymoron, but that is besides the point). As the window is translucent in appearance, I hope my answers will become translucent in hindsight. I just want this magnifying glass, this weight, out of my perspective, out of my life; and in turn I want a window of hope.

A window to see answers; a window to feel faith.

Chicken Flicks

"What we seek we shall find; what we flee from flees from us."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Chicken flicks. It started as a typo, yet evolved to this.

Whenever I'm even the slightest upset, I turn to a classic romance movie, a "chick flick", to make me feel better. Being as girly as I am, I have always loved these "chick flicks". Yet I soon noticed a pattern. There is a direct correlation between my feelings and these romance movies. As my negative feelings increased, so did my viewing of these "chick flicks". Why? All of a sudden I realized this; realized that I was not only watching these "chick flicks" because I enjoyed the plot: this appreciation, maybe even obsession, was deeper than that. I practically viewed these "chick flicks", religiously, for a single reason, a single word: answers.

Maybe I am just another naive girl, who is a crystal clear reason as to why they call these movies "chick flicks", but maybe I am going somewhere with this. Maybe the reason why we, or just us "chicks", are so attracted to these movies is because, maybe somehow, we feel as if these movies will give us answers. I'll suck up my pride and admit this (only once), "chick flicks" are semi-predictable. There is always that one character who is a hopeless romantic, this is where the attraction and appreciation for these movies may have triggered. We feel hopeless looking for answers, just like how that one character is hopelessly in search of love. Here is the irony though. By the end of every "chick flick", that hopeless romantic does, somehow, find his answer, even if his answer wasn't what he expected. And maybe by the end of all these"chick flick's", we don't feel hopeless for an answer anymore. Maybe the reason why we, or just us "chicks", appreciate these movies so much is because, maybe by the end of each movie, we feel/have a sense of hope. A sense of hope that helps us, or just us "chicks", believe that we will find our answer, even if it isn't what we expect.

That is where chicken flicks plays a role. I call this post chicken flicks to direct a certain audience. An audience who mocks these "chick flicks"; an audience who believes these "chick flicks" are downright absurd. Now I am trying my best to act partial with this audience; I will still try to understand this audience. But if any one who is reading this fits under this category, this audience, I ask of one thing: try to understand me, as well. If you think we, or us "chicks", only appreciate these movies because we want that PERFECT love affair; then, you're off. And although I cannot admit this towards everyone, I can declare this for myself. I do not find interest in these movies simply to find a corny romance in my life; it is much deeper than that. I find interest to these movies simply because they give me hope. These movies help me achieve hope, because they make me feel like I can find an answer too, just like that hopeless romantic.

I have one more thing to say to this particular audience, for clarification( as humerous as this sounds) I am directing the audience against these "chick flicks". If you still feel no change in perspective towards these movies, or at least towards why they impact us "chicks" so greatly, then as immature as this is about to sound, I have one thing to say to you. You are a chicken. A big, fat, scared chicken. If after all of this, you still consider "chick flicks" just corny romance movies, then I consider you a chicken because I believe you are just scared to admit that these "chick flicks" are more. And you are scared to admit that they are more, because maybe you are scared/in denial of hope. And please don't lose/be against hope. Because if there is one thing that has kept me going in life, it is hope. And I can understand why after bashing you, you would not want to follow a single word of my advice. But please don't lose hope. You don't have to believe hope comes from these "chick flicks", but at least grasp hope itself.

And that is all I can ask of you, I being another "chick" who likes "chick flicks".

Bag Old Memories, Welcome Anew

"I don't know that love changes. People change. Circumstances change."

-Nicholas Sparks

Just a bag. That is all it actually is. Or is it? Today I was finally ready; ready to sweep the dust and face the truth. Today, I put all his belongings, our belongings, in a bag today. You see a month ago, these belongings were my world. A month ago, I would have never imagined this day would come. A day where I would decide to place all our belongings, in a bag.

Pack, breath, and move on. That is really all I can do.

While I was collecting every item, every belonging, I recalled a past. Every belonging had a story; every belonging held a memory, which is why it is now stored in a bag, and not a trash bag but a bag. A bag I will keep forever. A bag that will always contain our belongings, our memories; memories of a first love I do not plan to forget, or regret. Because I do not believe any memory, good or bad, shall be forgotten. Because I do believe that, maybe, these belongings, our memories are what makes us, us. And even if I am entirely wrong, it is much easier to let someone go when you have something to hold on to. In this bag are belongings, our belongings that I will forever hold on to. I cannot dwell on the past, yet I refuse to forget it either.

Pack, breath, and move on. That is really all I can do.

PS- I'm sure the repetition of "belonging" must have gotten annoying to read. Trust me, it was annoying to type. But fair warning, get ready to read "belonging" several more times. If you are absolutely irritated with my usage of the word; stop reading. And if you are still reading at this point, hear me out. I did not repeat the word because there was not a single synonym I could replace. There are various synonyms, actually. But I chose to call our possessions "belongings" for a valid reason. I chose "belongings" because of the main root: belong. These possessions will always belong to me, me and him, us. No one can take that away from us, no matter what the circumstance.

Breath, and move on. That is really all I can do.